for the most part i do not like change, i fight it, and even though i give in eventually it's never without a touch of regret. so often change is paired with fear; fear of the unknown, fear that it could be worse. i do not like the change this surgery is brining to my world. though, logically i know it was necessary, emotionally i all too often imagine the worse that can happen, so i keep looking for it, wondering in what shape it will arrive. fear and worry are my bedfellows, with panic for a pillow.